March 27, 2015

My Pen, My Sword, Belongs to the Lord

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:40 pm by Broken & Brave

“My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” Psalm 45:1

When I reflect back on my life I realize I have always loved my pen, even before I knew it. I wrote my first short story in elementary school…maybe it was the 5th grade. I’m pretty sure it was about a pony (stereotypical girl, I know). I didn’t write anything else aside from school assignments for a number of years. I had a diary and would scribble in it periodically, but in my youth I was more focused with my pen toward sketching, drawing and calligraphy. I loved all of these as well as painting.

I haven’t painted in a really long time.

In college, I had a love for physiology, biology and human anatomy. I was fascinated with how the human body worked. Unfortunate for myself I am not fond of mathematics or chemistry…both essential for the life of a certified Dietician. By my fourth year of school…you heard me right…I was WELL advanced in major (nutrition) when I decided it wasn’t the absolute best choice for me. I decided to retain my passion or this subject while shifting my focus in another direction, similar, yet very different. So I earned my degree-Bachelor of Science-in the field of Human Development or Developmental Psychology. I loved it! I was able to tap into my ability to connect with people readily with my fascination for physiology, cognition and how the entire human life cycle fits rhythmically. God is so creative, indeed!

Because I changed majors so late in my college career I had a few classes I needed to make up in the general elective category. I had already discovered that any test I could write the answer I was going to ace. It didn’t matter if it was short answer or essay, my brain flowed best with the assistance of a pen.
However, it was in my Creative Writing elective class that I discovered I could REALLY write. I tend to think smaller thoughts of myself so I didn’t put it together at first when my classmates would say, “THAT was your rough draft?” For it is but too true, for everyone, the areas God has gifted you in you don’t realize it isn’t as easy for another maybe as it comes to you. Just as chemistry and math challenge me, but for my daughter they are her “easy A” classes. But my professor sat me down and told me straight on that I could write, seriously write. I received the top grade in her class.

I graduated, earned my degree, and didn’t pick up another pen creatively for probably another five years.

But something began to quicken me in the middle of the night. I began stirring in my heart and feeling the tug on its chambers and I released what it said with the use of a pen.

I’ve been a daily writer for more than 15 yrs now. I have journals, dry erase boards, slits of paper covered with my ink. I want a fire proof safe for all of my writings for this is how I treasure them all and I have saved them all as well.

In the early years of my adult writing I could feel the Lord press my heart with knowledge. It was like He was preparing me that others would read my journals. This made me a bit uncomfortable…if you only knew how extremely private and reserved I am then you’d understand how hard sharing my pen is for me. God knew, which is why He delicately began to prepare me. At the time I thought He meant after I died when my relatives went through my belongings they’d read my scribbles. For years, some of my closest friends would prod me to open a blog, but I refused. What I had with the Lord and my pen was mine. It was so beautiful, so sacred, so amazing, I didn’t want to share it. It completed all my empty spaces. With each stroke I could feel God touch my heart and reassure me, “You, Beloved, belong to me.”

Countless volume of journals filled by this time, in 2009, when it was prophesied over me that I was called to write and to use social media and blogging to broadcast my pen. It was only confirmation to what I had been deliberately dragging my feet to do. For not only was I reluctant to share my pen, but the thought of having a social media account was beyond believable for someone as private as myself.

Little by little I inched my way on the electronic highway, sharing as God lead me to share. He stretched my comfort zone every step of the way. It was so very hard for me to take my special, personal, intimate friendship with God and share it with the world…publically.

For years I enjoyed it, all to myself, my special, unique time with my Heavenly Father, the one True Lover of my Soul. I’m so grateful for that season. Why did He want me to give it away? At the time I didn’t know, but now I do.

I am so glad I obeyed. It not only grew me spiritually, but it developed my pen more fully and God blessed my obedience by giving me even deeper Manna to eat in my personal time with Him.

There is an altar for each of us in which God will ask us to lay somethings down. For me, one thing, was my gift to hear Him and transcribe it to pen by filter of my heart. For you, it might be something different.

Whatever Cross God has called you to carry, marry it. Tie your heart to it and carry it like it were an extension of your heart felt Love for Him. He is King, after all, He bore a crown so we could be honored to carry a Cross. How Beautiful His Cross is!

God always gives Beauty for Ashes…

~Nicole

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